ITIIITISTIIHYLIHYL by BLACKSHAPE

If this is it

If this is all there is

I hope you live

I hope you live

If there's no end

And we are infinite

Still, I hope you live

I hope you live.

I hope you live.

Creature (Perfect) by Ibeyi

Feathers and blue scales

Eyes evoking rain

When I lay down in the calm of the deep blue sea

I let the waves wash over me

I let the waves wash over me

Soy espuma

Y soy ceniza

Y le siembro el corazón a la Tierra

I don’t have to be perfect, don’t have to be perfect

I finally see, I’m just a Creature

Don’t have to be perfect, no I am not perfect

I finally see who i’m supposed to be

Thunder out of pain

Stars in movement

When we i realize in the dark watching them dance

They follow my fingertips

Soy espuma

Y soy ceniza

Y le siembro el corazón a la Tierra

With my bad poems, my soft belly

Escaping who I’m supposed to be

My childhood prayer, Death watching over me

Accepting who I’m supposed to be

I don’t have to be perfect, don’t have to be perfect

I finally see, I’m just a Creature

Don’t have to be perfect, no I am not perfect

I finally see who I’m supposed to be

FTF 38

There is always some sort of evolution to all of us. The music that inspires me is part of that... Never will be ashamed of the new songs (though in the past I have skipped one or two...). This is who I am today.

1. Carla Morrison - Tú Atacas: Another blue song.
2. Ellie Goulding - Love I'm Given
3. Rhye - Song for You: A perfect video for a perfect song...
4. Son Lux - A Different Kind Of Love: I need a...
5. Twenty Øne Pilots - Redecorate: I don't wanna go like this.
6. Marilyn Manson - Coma Black: I killed myself to make everybody pay. These two songs are the different sides of the same coin.
7. Pinback - Drawstring: Where's the sun, has it set? New discovery and will remain a constant...
8. Foo Fighters - Shame Shame
9. Royal Blood - Boilermaker: Just for the attitude and to remember a dark room.
10. American Head Charge - Drowning Under Everything: Went under my radar five years ago. I want you to really need it, so bad!
11. Spiritbox- Circle With Me: This could all be yours.
12. Love And Death - Death Of Us
13. Chevelle - Self Destructor: Bite your tongue! The masters are back, full throttle.
14. Skinlab - Demons: How long will I'll last when I'm living a lie?

15. Divine Heresy - Darkness Embedded: What was drained out, grows back again.

16. Pop Evil - Inferno: Falling apart 'cause everything burns.
17. Oceans - Polaris: The star guiding home among the storms...

18. Machine Head - Arrows In Words From The Sky: A spirit's buried inside, you were meant to shine a light⁠

The hardest steps are the ones you don't make...

Sing along!

Tú Atacas by Carla Morrison

Tú eres del pasado

Que mis dedos acariciaron

¿Para qué vuelves esta vez

A inquietarme otra vez?

Prendes todas mis emociones

Devuelves los calores

Todo comienza a girar

En torno a tu regresar

Después de tanto tiempo

Tienes en mí todos tus cimientos

Tú me desbalanceas

Tú, quien pausa mi tiempo

Tú me tocas, yo tiemblo

Tú atacas siempre en silencio

Después de tanto, pienso

Que como tú, a otrx no encuentro

He aprendido a estar solx

Con mi sombra

Cuando reprimo mi querer

Siento volver a estar bien

Me miento constantemente

Me hago xlx fuerte

Aunque vuelvas a mí rondar

Me hago ciegx cuando pasas

Después de tanto, pienso

Que como tú, a otrx no encuentro

Tú me desbalanceas

Tú, quien pausa mi tiempo

Tú me tocas, yo tiemblo

Tú atacas siempre en silencio 

Después de tanto tiempo

En mí tienes cimiento

A blue song.

Inferno by Pop Evil

So here we are, still I'm broken

I am who I am, but I'm not chosen

So tell me life is a joke

Turn my flame into smoke

Am I broke?

I can't breathe in 'cause I'm beginning to choke

In the silence, I scream

It's like I'm living a dream

I can't wake up 'cause it seems like

I'm losing everything

I'm losing everything

Giving it all, the weight of the world

It's crashing, it's crashing into me

Falling apart 'cause everything burns

It's flashing, it's flashing in front of me

Inferno, inferno

Inferno, inferno

This fire, this fire is all I see

Why can't I just take a stand?

Hеlp me, just take my hand

Understand I'm alone

Slowly sinkin' in sand

If I could just stop the blaze

Start to get through the haze

Let the rain fall down

And wash away again

I can start again

Giving it all, the weight of the world

It's crashing, it's crashing into me

Falling apart 'cause everything burns

It's flashing, it's flashing in front of me

Inferno, inferno

Inferno, inferno

'Cause fire, 'cause fire is all I see

Redecorate by Twenty Øne Pilots

-There was a wonderful structure to the city

And it put my cares to rest-

Taking inventory of his life

Seeing snapshots chronologically in line

Something told him he should look around and tidy up

He collected many things but never quite enough

Tried looking at it from a new perspective

Flat on his back but he still heard the directive

Orders from that corner where that shadow always lived

Never asked permissions he just hopes that they forgive

I don't want to go like this

At least let me clean my room

I don't want to leave like this

'Cause the last thing I want to do is

Make my people make decisions

Wondering what to do, oh

Should they keep it on display

Or redecorate?

Blankets over mirrors, she tends to like it 

he's not afraid of her reflection

But of what she might see behind it

She had plans to change her name

Just not the traditional way

Haunted by a couple big mistakes

She covers all the dents with the way she decorates

Then one night she got cold with no blankets on her bed

So she ripped them off the mirror, stepped back and she said

I don't want to go like this

At least let me clean my room

I don't want to leave like this

'Cause the last thing I want to do is

Make my people make decisions

Wondering what to do, oh

Should they keep it on display

Or redecorate?

With the bells and the whistles scaled back

Like an isolated track

And he feels trapped when he's not inebriated

Fair to say he's fairly sedated most days of the week

He might have made it if he lived on a different street

I repeat, scaled back and isolated

He says he likes an open schedule but he mostly hates it

If you're running to his room, take a breath before you break-in

Put your ear up to the door, tell me can you hear him saying?

I don't want to go like this

At least let me clean my room

I don't want to leave like this

'Cause the last thing I want to do is

Make my people make decisions

Wondering what to do, oh

Should they keep it on display

Or redecorate?

(a song for me... please, just redecorate!)

Song for You by Rhye

A blue song.

FTF 37

Coming to understand myself and accepting who I am and what I came for. Letting go of all the burdens to become my own... If my mission is to love, I should start from the inside.

1. Bassnectar - Butterfly (Featuring Mimi Page): Set as an intro...
2. PVRIS - Old Wounds: They say don't open old wounds, but this is still brand new.
3. Gorillaz - Chalk Tablet Towers: The catchiest song on the machine.
4. Oliver Tree - Jerk: You say you don't want me...
5. Beady Eye - Shine A Light: Meant to be here for a couple years, and finally found its place.
6. Arctic Monkeys - Dance Little Liar: A sexy song to be sung for myself and danced by you.
7. Mother Mother - I Must Cry Out Loud: Yes, I must. The hidden gem through it all. 
8. O'Brother - Slipping: I'm pulling punches instead of just leaving.
9. Brand New - Same Logic / Teeth: Every new layer you uncover reveals something else you hate.
10. Zeal And Ardor - At The Seams: Desperation and helplessness... October/19 and George Floyd.
11. Deftones - Genesis: Balance.
12. LIMBS - Empty Vessel: How long is the breath that I have to hold before I'm worth my weight in gold? Ghosts.
13. Slipknot - Nero Forte: A drive home with anger in my fists.
14. Trivium - Catastrophist: For the both of us...

15. Seether - Wasteland: Nobody seems to be able to shed the treadwheel.

16. Marilyn Manson - BROKEN NEEDLE: I am a needle dig in your grooves, scratch you up then I'll put you away.
17. Bring Me The Horizon - One Day The Only Butterflies Left Will Be In Your Chest As You March Towards Your Death (Featuring Amy Lee)

Coming to flesh out all the feeling inside to pave a way for a better self. Not shy of who I've become, all the different emotions and landscapes that are who I am now.

Share it with me.

I Must Cry Out Loud by Mother Mother

Here come my tears

Like a dancer on a stage

I got nothing to fear

Just a hurricane of feeling

Baby, come here

Show me how to shake

I wanna move like the air

A pirouette of pain

Now, I must cry

Yes, I must cry

Yes, I must cry out loud

Why do I sing (like loe-la-loe-la-le)

That's why I sing

I'm a force in the wind (like loe-la-loe-la-he)

Can you hear me?

Why do we live (yeah)

We live so we might live a little bit

Why do we dig (yeah)

We dig so we might find it, can you dig it?

Now, I must cry

Yes, I must cry

Yes, I must cry out loud

Slipping by O'Brother

You’re a place I cannot leave

A space I cannot see

A pitfall underneath

I’m slipping

You’re a poison in my teeth

A tongue I cannot speak

A pitfall underneath

I’m slipping

Devil in your bed

I’m pulling punches instead of getting even

Devil in your bed

I’m pulling punches instead of just leaving

You’re loss I cannot grieve

A truth I disbelieve

A pitfall underneath and

I’m slipping

It’s a tangled web

We weave drunk on pleasantries

A pitfall underneath and

I’m slipping

Devil in your bed

I’m pulling punches instead of getting even

Devil in your bed

I’m pulling punches instead of just leaving

 

Jerk by Oliver Tree

You say you don't want me

You call me good for nothing straight to my face

You say you don't need me

You call me good for nothing, a waste of space

Don't remind me

I'm minding my own damn business

Don't try to find me

I'm better left alone in this

It doesn't surprise me

Do you really think that I could care

If you really don't like me

Find somebody else

It could be anyone else out there

Don't fret

I don't ever wanna see you

And I never wanna meet you again

One thing

When you're angry, you're a jerk

And then you treat me like I'm worth nothing

Don't fret

I don't ever wanna see you

And I never wanna meet you again

It'll happen again

I'll watch it happen over and over again

You say you don't want me

You call me good for nothing straight to my face

You say you don't need me

You call me good for nothing, a waste of space

I watch the walls caving in on me

I'm sick of feeling so fucking lonely

By now I've given up all hope

I guess I'm better off alone

Don't fret

I don't ever wanna see you

And I never wanna meet you again

One thing

When you're angry, you're a jerk

And then you treat me like I'm worth nothing

Don't fret

I don't ever wanna see you

And I never wanna meet you again

It'll happen again

I'll watch it happen over and over again

FTF 36

Learning to live in a new normality... still afraid but kept safe within these songs...

1. Lamb Of God - Bloodshot Eyes: Angst ridden kickstart.
2. Bad/Love - DMU
3. Imminence - Wake Me Up: I'm going under.
4. Gojira - Another World
5. Seether - Drift Away: The song that set this off. Who are you?
6. O'Brother - Killing Spree: Drink my madness if you want to drown
7. Marilyn Manson - SOLVE COAGULA: I'm not special, I'm just broken and I don't wanna be fixed.
8. Like A Villain - You Got It: New discovery.
9. Deftones - The Spell Of Mathematics: Bathtubs that would be the perfect scenario for this all.
10. scarlxrd - SAVE YXUR GRACE
11. Ihsahn - Roads (Portishead cover): This song was meant to be here for at least two decades.
12. Son Lux - Plans We Made: I'm afraid to let you go.
13. Ruelle - The Other Side
14. Gorillaz - Broken: The feeling left after spending weeks together.
15. Glass Animal - Your Love (Déjà Vu): A Blue song.
16. Biffy Clyro - Instant History
17. The Pineapple Thief - Demons: 'cause I've got demons. Yeah, you should know.

18. Good Tiger - If You Weren't My Son I'd Hug You

If you're curious, here it is...

Drift Away (by Seether)

Don't let anyone cry on your shoulder

Don't let misery bring you down

Beauty fades away as you get older

Such a shame that you hate yourself

When I saw the feelings go to waste

But it all comes as no surprise

And I feel I let it slip away

Left so hollow and dead inside

And I realize I was too afraid

So much wasted time

I feel you drift away

On the surface it seems like I'm colder

Underneath it all I'm not fine

You do well in the eyes of beholders

But I feel ugly as sin inside

When I saw the feelings go to waste

But it all comes as no surprise

And I feel I let it slip away

Left so hollow and dead inside

And I realize I was too afraid

So much wasted time

I feel you drift away

Who are you to let me bleed?

Who are you to set me free?

When I saw the feelings go to waste

But it all comes as no surprise

And I feel I let it slip away

Left so hollow and dead inside

And I realize I was too afraid

So much wasted time

I feel you drift away

Locus (by O'Brother)

I woke up in the in-between

And my head expands

My head expands

Muttering words of prophecy

From a fever dream

You shared with me

I am right here, where I've always been

Further up and further in

I am right here, where I've always been

Further up and further in

You run like a criminal

When you need me

You were tongue-tied and elegant

When you need me

Love is careless, love is blind

Love is envious

I'm envious

Always thought it was hard to find

But I'm oblivious

Oblivious

I am right here, where I've always been

Further up and further in

I am right here, where I've always been

Further up and further in

You run like a criminal

When you need me

You were tongue-tied and elegant

When you need me

You need me

I am right here, where I've always been

Further up and further in

I am right here, where I've always been

Further up and further in

You run like a criminal

When you need me

You were tongue-tied and elegant

When you need me

SOLVE COAGULA by Marilyn Manson

You are the one

Tore off both your arms

Gouged out your eyes

And ripped out your own tongue

So listen

I'm not special

I'm just broken

And I don't wanna be fixed

No one else

I, no one else I

Wanna be like

So I stayed the same

Like nobody else

So you think you can sing or clap

Well all you need is an ear

So listen

I'm not special

I'm just broken

And I don't wanna be fixed

No one else

I, no one else I

Wanna be like

So I stayed the same

Like nobody else

I'm not special

I'm just broken

And I don't wanna be fixed

 

FTF 35

Months of stress, anxiety and fear of going out.

1. Hatari - Hatrid Mun Sigra
2. Figures - Matrix Love
3. Silverstein - Infinite
4. Bring Me The Horizon - Parasite Eve
5.  Marilyn Manson - Threats of Romance: I want you damaged
6. Incubus - Absolution calling: The opposite of falling
7. Twenty One Pilots - Level of Concern
8. Norah Jones - Were You Watching
9. Bush - Undone
10. The Exies - This Is The Sound
11. Life Of Agony - I Surrender
12. Memento - Blister
13. Bad Omens - Limits
14. Limbs - Blister
15. Loathe - A Sad Cartoon
16. O'Brother - Locus: You run like a criminal
17. Slipknot - Solway Firth

Quarantine it...

FTF 34 - The Soundtrack

A compilation of songs mostly caught from series and films that meant moments of deep understanding.

1. Barns Courtney - Fire
2. Overcoats - Leave The Light On
3. Ruelle - Secrets And Lies
4. Shellby Merry - When The Night Is Long
5. Damien Rice - Delicate
6. CHVRCHES - ZVVL
7. FOALS - Into The Surf
8. Hozier - Angel Of Small Death & The Codeine Scene
9. SoHa - Mil Pasos: Un día o jamás
10. Andy Powell - Pretty Little Lies
11. Michael Kiwanuka - Love & Hate
12. Draco Rosa - Que Se Joda El Dolor
13. Through Fire - Breathe
14. Skillet - Believe
15. Asking Alexandria - I Won't Give In
16. Bad Wolves - Hear Me Now
17. Five Finger Death Punch - Brighter Side Of Grey
18. Emigrate - I'm Not Afraid

If FTF is the soundtrack of my life, this special collection is the soundtrack of the soundtrack. The core of this was finally getting Mil Pasos in the right place...

Have a dose.

Into The Surf (by Foals)

If you come again

I'll be sure to send the tide to come meet you

And if I come again

Please be sure to send the moon to come meet me

I'll eat up all your pain

Take in all the blame

Be that someone to complain to

I'll be like water, when you rise

Plant a jasmine in the night

When I return there's a moon pool on fire

Into the surf, again

There's a moon pool in bloom

And if you come again

I'll be sure to send the tide to come meet you

And if I come again

Please be sure to send the moon to come meet me

There's a lighthouse in the dark

A garden in the past

Under bruisings of a night sky

Be like water, when I rise

Plant a jasmine in the night

When I return there's a moon pool on fire

Into the surf, again

There's a moon pool in bloom

There's a serpent on the beach

If I'm out of reach

Place a garland in the sea for me

When the tide comes rolling in

Please be sure to send a blood moon for me

A garland in the sea

And if I don't make it home

Wrap the jasmine round my bones

A blood moon for me

A garland in the sea

And if I don't make it home

Wrap the jasmine round my bones

A garland in the sea

A blood moon for me

FTF 33 - The Lockdown

Chaos has been a part of the path. And so it is...

1. Korn - Surrender to Failure
2. Red - Only Fight
3.  Code Orange - Who I Am
4. Loathe - I Let It In And It Took Everything…
5. Limbs - Crossed
6. Norma Jean - Safety Last
7. Machine Head - Circle The Drain
8. Eldest 11 - Cut Dawn
9. Five Finger Death Punch - Darkness Settles In
10. Atreyu - Super Hero: A song to be proud of my heir!
11. Scott Stap - Red Clouds
12. Cold - We All Love
13. Billie Eilish - When The Party's Over
14. Mark Morton - All I Had To Lose
15. Poppy - Sick Of The Sun
16. Incubus - On Without Me
17. Twenty One Pilots - Neon Gravestones
18. Foals - Neptune

And it goes on and on and on...

Want it? Get it!

FTF 32

Winds of swift change, but nothing ever gets through.

01 Tool - 7empest: Around the song there's a story about a little boy and bad news on him, and a tempest must be just that, "A tempest must be just that...", thank you sweetness.
02 Slipknot - Unsainted: Images of the numbers shredding this live, first time with the view of perfect destruction. "Im holding on to letting go!"
03 Hellyeah - Welcome Home: Passing over is a feeling much bigger than death... it has to do with separation ot just finding the place where you can call home. Anyways, chains must be broken.
04 Badflower - The Jester: When you find yourself just playing around for the fun of it and living for the applause and laughter of those above you. "Is there anybody out there looking out for me?". Loneliness in the middle of a crowd.
05 Twenty One Pilots - Leave The City: This one was the last addition, a tuesday night walking home, needing to feel the burning of feeling, of twisted feelings growing back. "They know that it's almost over...". Will always love this album, the immersive experience of hearing it back to back while leaving the city.
06 Keane - Stupid Things: A memory of one of the songs that were shared with a purple soul. All lies, all games, all nonsense... but the feeling remained.
07 LP - Lost On You: A song that came from More and it is a reminder that there are more things to come. Pictures of working out, tattoos and more.
08 Dido - Hurricanes: Taking risks to face hurricanes. Nothing left to say here, thanks Blue Heart.
09 Gorillaz - Fire Flies: A song just to let yourself get lost in melodies and find a safe place to hide from all that scares you.
10 CHVRCHES - God's Plan: "Shaped and defined by God's plan", those days are long gone, belonging was a word that used to have a meaning. Now the plan has no strings...
11 Silversun Pickups - Dots and Dashes (Enough Already): After almost a decade I came back to this song, I remember walking late night over an avenue, when I wished I was invisible through the streets so cars would not dare to stop. Anyways, "I'm already cursed"
12 Thrice - Beyond The Pines: I remember standing on a corner, late night, hearing this song on repeat, thinking of a place in my imagination were no problem shall touch me. Thrice striking down on my soul again.
13 Bullet For My Valentine - Breathe Underwater: The symbol of water and drowning has been a constant through all these melodies, disaster coming, cleansing and the end approaching like a ghost... "I don't know how we got here, but I know I don't belong"...
14 Ghost - Cirice: A new mantra repeated endlessly... "can't you see that your lost without me".
15 Linkin Park - Pushing Me Away: The feeling that for almost 20 years was held inside, the feeling of holding on to everything for the sake of keeping the status quo. Pushing myself away, anyway.

And more shall come before we set free...