GONE FOR NOW...

I really am not what you think I am...

WE ALL ARE DUST

Puedo describirte las imágenes de lo que vi, pero los sonidos quedarán marcados dentro de mí. El canto del recuento y el lamento más profundo.

Sus siluetas en el borde de la ladera, ponchos y chalinas verdes, turquesas, celestes y rojos peregrinando en fúnebre marcha lineal. Se acercan trayendo una neblina invisible pero que congela las fibras íntimas del alma. Llegan los primeros lamentantes, llevan el ánfora blanca que transporta una vasija frágil y vacía. Tras ellos la voz desgarradora de lo inevitable, un canto tétrico en su propia lengua, dolor sintetizado en una melodía contundente, el resumen de una vida y la posibilidad truncada. Detrás de ella, el silencioso padre, muerto por dentro pero por fuera, inmutable. Los demás alargan la cola penitente.

Entramos al altar improvisado de la despedida y es su voz la que hace temblar las ventanas, su armonía tan conocida penetra mi ser e inunda mis ojos. ¿Cómo puedes contagiar tan delicadamente tu esencia? ¿Porqué tu canto simplifica toda mi vida con su resumen de toda nuestra existencia? Me llegan tus sonidos, entran por mis oídos como huestes de tristeza a zarandear cada recóndito rincón de mi experiencia, remueven los recuerdos de niñez y vejez, me elevan y me sustraen. Es tu ritmo tribal y tu temblor sincopado el que desboca tu pasión perdida en sincero llanto.

Tu hijo que hasta ayer te alegraba es ahora el contenido de un ánfora blanca de madera. Y sus años de vida nos sobrecogen en cada nota que sueltan tus labios. Más allá de las velas y las rosas, más allá del olor de la madera mezclado con la sabiduría del pueblo de Pacha Mama, aún más allá del gélido frío que el viejo viento de páramo nos ha legado o del hambre de los productos de la llacta, está la causa. El sentido que arrodilla mi voluntad es el oído. Tu dolor es mi dolor, el dolor de todos los hombres y mujeres de la tierra. Tu canto de muerte es la revelación de nuestro futuro.

Tukuykuna ashpa canchik.

WRONG by Depeche Mode

I was born with the wrong sign
In the wrong house
With the wrong ascendancy
I took the wrong road
That led to the wrong tendencies
I was in the wrong place at the wrong time
For the wrong reason and the wrong rhyme
On the wrong day of the wrong week
I used the wrong method with the wrong technique
Wrong

There's something wrong with me chemically
Something wrong with me inherently
The wrong mix in the wrong genes
I reached the wrong ends by the wrong means
It was the wrong plan
In the wrong hands
With the wrong theory for the wrong manThe wrong lies, on the wrong vibes
The wrong questions with the wrong replies

Wrong

I was marching to the wrong drum
With the wrong scum
Pissing out the wrong energy
Using all the wrong lines
And the wrong signs
With the wrong intensity
I was on the wrong page of the wrong book
With the wrong rendition of the wrong hook
Made the wrong move, every wrong night
With the wrong tune played till it sounded right yeah

Wrong
Too long
Wrong

I was born with the wrong sign
In the wrong house
With the wrong ascendancy
I took the wrong road
That led to the wrong tendenciesI was in the wrong place at the wrong time
For the wrong reason and the wrong rhyme
On the wrong day of the wrong week
I used the wrong method with the wrong technique

Wrong

DO WHAT YOU DO by Mudvayne

Lips bleed from the rings
All these little bruises, the little things
That promote the segregation

Lead to separation

Cage and clip the wings
Little noises, the little screams
That start the operation

Conscious amputation

Just do what you do
What you do what you did to me
Now I'm stuck in between a rock and nowhere
With nothing, with no one
Just do what you do
What you do what you've done to me
Draw the chalk like around the scene it's over
Now it's all over

Broken heart that's lost its beatA little boy that softly weeps
Overwhelmed with emotions
Fuse burns to explosion

Lost the forest through the trees
Little whispers, the little dreams
That spark the recollection
Constant suffocation

Just do what you do
What you do what you did to me
Now I'm stuck in between a rock and nowhere
With nothing, with no one
Just do what you do
What you do what you've done to me
Draw the chalk line around the scene it's over
Now it's all over

I can feel my life is changing
I can feel my heart is jaded
Left the sticks, left the stones
Words don't hurt, mend the bones
I can feel my life is changing
Just do what you do
What you do what you did to me
Now I'm stuck in between a rock and nowhere
With nothing, with no one
Just do what you do
What you do what you've done to me
Draw the chalk line around the scene it's over
Now it's all over

We'll all erase the past and leave the painCleanse the wounds and forget the name
Lost the will, ran far away
So it's all over

Spread the ash and fill the grave
Lost the time I make my way
Do what you do and go away
Now it's all over

FTF 8

I was waiting for a turning point in life so I can give birth to my new spawn... FTF 8... It's so incredible I shared these all with you, exposing it all and then you took this all against me and denied it all. I know I made mistakes and I couldn't be as you expected me to be, but to say I faked it all is killing me. FTF 8 is my new/current/not last gift to you, the one, the flower that faces the sun, the muse, the lonely...



1. Nada - Arkabuz: "Como va la luna, ¿se ha llenado ya?" Esta es la canción que empezó como un intento de relajación y se convirtió en el veneno que poco a poco mató mi paz. La verdadera razón detrás de esta canción quedará oculta en la Marín a las 10:00 pm... Jamás fue tuya hasta que la hiciste mía. Terminó siendo mi epitafio.

2. Flor de Fuego - Caramelos de Cianuro: "Siempre quien más ama, termina perdiendo" Desde lejos me vino divina la canción... ¡Gracias! De ser dedicada, a dedicarla y terminar siendo vivida.

3. Over - Evans Blue: "This time I won't be so kind" A song to establish myself as the enclosing shell I've become and knowing it's better and safer.

4. God Forbid - Ghost Machine: "God forbid you walk in my shoes" This is the song to summarize all the feelings of this time. And even now I ask the Lord, to watch you should never walk my path, do not become what I became. Hate me, cause it's easier! Incredibely beautiful song, inspiring and deep... The centerpiece of this collection...

5. Tearjerker - Korn: "I wish I could feel it... it's just saturated loneliness" Right in front of your eyes but reading between the lines is harder than drifting away...

6. Enjoy the Silence - Depeche Mode (Reinterpreted): Another song that became my tomb. "Words can only do harm". They still do...

7. We're In This Together Now - Nine Inche Nails (Radio Edit): It's been in my head for way too long... Reminds me of going down the street way home late night...

8. Gehenna - Slipknot: "You were designed for my punishment" Sometimes it's much better to feel the pain than fitting thorugh with myself...

9. It's Dangerous Business Walking Out Your Front Door- UNDEROATH: "Drowning in my sleep" A touch of roughness... The central issue is guilt and hope

10. Bulimic - The Used: "Goodbye to you" This song has weirdly grown deeper in me NOW!

11. Patricide - Nothingface: "I'm not the devil, and that's untrue, I'm just not like you!" Another very clear example of the duality...

12. Bird Of Feather - Cog: "And I'm only trying to make it better" Seems my way was not enough...

13. C.O.T.E. - Karnivool: "Now I don't think you like me now" Remember talking about this with you... In that dusty old living room, alone, listening to the planes, ripping a veil in your life. Playing to be grown and together, playing to be part of something from the future. I knew what I did and I know why I did it... And even though you think I lie my life was in your hands...

14. In A Memory - The Butterfly Effect: "I gotta get out of this (memory)" Do we got stuck in a memory? And if we did, what memory would that be?

15. Roto Por Ti - Robi Draco Rosa: La única canción que faltó en vivo el día que para mí fue mágico y que se convirtió dentro de ti en una farsa... How could you ever believe so?

16. Stranger Things Have Happened - Foo Fighters: "I can change... but who do you want me to be?" I am here -and have been- waiting for you dear Loneliness to come through that hole inside my heart... Like if I always wished you were here... Welcome...

17. One More Day - VAST: "I have changed and I've realized I was wrong" This song woke me up at three o' clock one day and then I figured the clue missing from my past. And then anyone else coudl interpret the song as they wish... I know it means a lot to me...

The first draft:

NOW I FEEL

Now I feel... and it is suffocating. My truth told a hundred times became a lie to you, but the lie told to you once became your truth, but won't ever become THE truth. I just wait the real truth shines again... Until then, I'll wait... Enjoying the pain...