INEVITABLE HAPPENING

Rewind me
back to none
Hold my hand
There're too many things
left in here

Don't follow
I'm afraid
It's growing
And these voices scream

I should stop

Where's the line
dividing fear?
So blurry
Conditioned not to
show myself

(I've) Not seen this
for way too long
Confusion...
confusion

I have not foreseen your shadow
Crawl upon me, crawl upon me
I did not ask for your presence
Weakening me, weakening me
Tears of mourning to amuse me
A lie, a lie
This is not real at all...

For all that is
and that was
Can't compare to the peace

And all been said
and been done
Won't be as what was shed

A rose in black
burning to ash
Can't get back to my track

I speak o' my past
speak of my soul
There will always be a path

Still won't see
Must act to hide
Perceptions
Alluring me to
wake my heart

(You've) Not seen me
and won't for long
Confusion...
confusion

I have not foreseen your shadow
Crawl upon me, crawl upon me
I did not ask for your presence
Weakening me, weakening me
Tears of mourning to convince me
Love, love
Can't believe it is real...

UNTRUE MEMORY

Aun pasea en mi mente ese recuerdo que no existió. Ese deseo sin proyección al mundo real. Como una estatua sin sombra o un deseo de hacer lo que sabes que nunca lograrás hacer. Ese anhelo de tenerte cerca, sentir que mi corazón tiene derecho a latir fuera de ritmo. Y puedo imaginarlo todo al mismo estilo que tu hubieras pintado, con tus colores y tus preferencias. Puedo relatarlo pero no te puedo describir concretamente a ti...

De repente desaparece tu rostro y solo queda un espacio en blanco en mi recuerdo inexistente. Aún escucho tu voz y tus frases tan propias tuyas y me avergüenzo de ser quien fui. Un círculo perfecto en azul adorna tu cielo, combinando con el brillo que desprende tu piel, ignorando el humo. Me acoges y me dejas entrar sin retenerme, cumplimos un sueño postergado y descansas en inmensa tranquilidad, irreal. Despiertas y te transformas, ha pasado demasiado tiempo clavado en ese sueño.

Tu rostro vuelve a aparecer, distinto pero esencialmente igual, con otras frases y otros gestos. Me congelas para no moverme, sin querer deslizarme más allá, sin ahogarme en este charco. Abrazas un hilo de mi alma para sentirme vivo, para hacerme acuerdo que debo respirar. Sin quererlo me animas a atarme a ti, me siento compatible con tu sinceridad y espontaneidad y se me hace irresistible enjaular el momento dentro de un vaso de cristal para usarlo en caso de emergencia. Te miro sin buscar nada, solo perderme en una sonrisa casual. Tomar de tu mano y elevarme de tu lado. Saltar a una dimensión donde el tiempo no es sinónimo de olvido. Me siento imposible. Y volamos sobre los volcanes. Vuelves tu mirada hacia mí, y es otra vez ese color blanco sin información que me infunde terror, desapareces nuevamente. Caigo en medio de la ciudad de cielo amarillo.

Herido, desnudo y sin valor despierto. Una explosión encima de las nubes pretende decirme subliminalmente que no volverás. Me levanto y el orgullo de mis heridas me fortalece. Paseo vagabundo recordando frases que no son tuyas pero me transportan a sentir el frío de tus manos tapando mi boca. Te llamo por primera vez, con voz sutil como si fueras a aparecer de la nada para darme fuerzas. No estás. Te llamo por segunda vez con fuerza, con la desesperada necesidad de ahogo. No eres. Te llamo una tercera vez con miedo de creer la realidad. No existes. El desolamiento se apodera de mí, pero llevo conmigo mi vaso de cristal, mi placebo.

Camino en círculos discordantes por entre los grises edificios, entrando y saliendo de mi guarida. Sigo cualquier rastro de ti, cualquier indicio que me lleve hacia ti, mas nunca sé de ti. Y empiezo a perder la fe en tu recuerdo. ¿Qué si no exististe y fuiste solo una estrella fugaz? En deseperación descuidé el cristal que te contiene. No es el mismo, está demasiado oscuro por dentro, lo intento limpiar y cae... ¡Descubro que no es irrompible! En el interior solo encuentro una tarjeta con una nota escrita con mi propio puño y letra. Leo mil veces el mensaje y no es más que una ironía cósmica. "Nada es para siempre"

Y solo me queda seguir, anhelando no volar.

KISSING YOUR GHOST

In order to keep on I need a dose of truth
Take you out of my dreams
Find a safe please to breath
Cause even when I forget the path I’m on
Thoughts come pushing back
So many things I actually lack

Why were we split on time and space?
My clock ticks while you run
Now my home is long gone
Why is all meant to go the wrong way?
Million miles an hour to find
The end line on the other side

My open eyes will never find you,
Wide shut I scream relentlessly

No lines to define you
No voice to recognize you
Yet you are there stalking me

Must be out of my mind
I denied this to be true
Yet I know I must be right there

No need to construct a present like this
The hardest part of letting go
Is discovering nothing pushes on
And then again with the cruel moonlight
I decide to be somewhere else
To be where your life dwells

My open eyes will never find you,
Wide shut I see yours staring at me

No lines to define you
No voice to recognize you
Yet you are there stalking me

Must be out of my mind
I denied this to be true
Yet I know I must be right there

Lone and unquiet
Forgotten and hideous
Myself in my dreams
Coming closer to you
Kissing your ghost
Forbidden pleasure
I wish you were real
We belong together

No lines to define you
No voice to recognize you
Yet you are there stalking me

Must be out of my mind
I denied this to be true
Yet I know I must be right there

BUTTERFLY KEEPING MY DREAMS

I had a dream two nights ago,
you were there too, all dressed in white
and I was not there right at your side
the saddest day it will be from them all.

Fancy clothes to disguise the truth.
This is not what was meant to be
I foreseen it's supposed to be me
but I was watching three benches away.

You saw me after the word was told
I swallowed the lines I had prepared
The vows and the kiss I calmly stared
Nothing to do after the ring was imposed.

But you could not go just like the wind
The most tender kiss you could ever give
It was so real I still can't believe
I do have a butterfly keeping my dreams.

YOU

Yes, I stretch myself beyond any limitations.
I push myself lower than your imagination.
I can't change the fact that I am the result of what you made of me.

Your thousand voices are just one in the end.
You, the one, the only.

The Frankenstein I've built, the combination of everything I've known.
All I ever loved is building you up and that's why I can't reach you.

You are not real, you are the product of my words.
You, the one, the only.

Can't get thorugh it all, I am stuck in the lost.
And with no use I keep dragging your body behind me.

You enjoy the way I run from you and then back to you.
You, the one, the only.

It's meant for me to learn from it all.
But a slave of my own creation I am, my desire to break the mold.
I made you out from nowhere and you are alive somewhere.

You hide beneath my own eyes, in the back of my mind.
You, the one, the only.

I see you everyday shapeshifting to deceive me.
I hear your voice whispering to me in my midday dreams.

You must be something else than this because I can feel you.
You, the one, the only.

I need to know from you, I need to wake from this fantasy.
It's so amazing how distracted I can get from what's in front of me.

You wander in my mind, you are the inhabitant of my psyche.
You, the fake one, you are me.

FURTHER DOWN THE SPIRAL

Just can't help it... I know I can't stop! I walk further downwards...
shame on me, cause I know where it all ends...
But, in the end, will it ever worth it?
What do I like? What the hell do I deserve?
Asked that to myself before, and still have no answers.
sliding down till something stops me, the floor maybe?
No love, no trust, no care, no past, no path,
psycopath, that's the road to desperation,
alone with no more expectations

Cities gone from my mind, maps erased,
deleting again for the sake of... mine!
Todo tiende a resbalar cuando se pierde
pero la esperanza es lo ultimo que muere
de derrota en derrota no es mucho lo que se siente
de disfraz en disfraz, de silueta a silueta
mi sombra se agranda y anda suelta
buscando un cuerpo al que pertenecer
descubrien do el significado de merecer
cegueras temporales por conveniencia
dilatan el amortiguamiento de mi conciencia
sin siquiera querer apagar el recuerdo,
desconectar el cerebro, desaparecer mi cuerpo.
Cicatrices autoinflingidas por necedad,
o por desesperación y miedo a la soledad.
Pero, nunca te olvides de respirar,
no te canses de girar y girar.

LOOK AT ME NOW?
Is this what you felt you could recognize?
Is it me what you're starring at?
Crumbling flesh, tattered eyes...
Everything forgotten and pushed away
Left me in the train and shed no tears
and time went by, centuries around me
Statues of thoughts in the past
Yourself and myself, together in fantasies
Two hours from what I call real
And two million days from what could've been
Call my name! Can you remember that?
Two weeks is too long to be lived
and too short to change a life

Weak and lonely?
Yes, so what!?
Come again, come back, look at me
Be afraid one last time
Shiver with me, don't control
F*** your plans and wake up
No dreams can be lived without love
and no life can be dreamt without passion
No love can be lived with fear
No fear can be loved in life!

Forget me now, and turn yourself off in me
Get your world outta my head...
Hang my heart in your walls
Allow me a last glimpse at a smile
Bring me into your world and your roofs
Make me the next wallpaper in your room
Use my skin to clean your floors
Just let my fly in the cloud we owed
I don't care, drop yourself off
I won't die, not today...

Your dreams are my nightmares...

CAN YOU SEE ME NOW?
'cause I can't...
Blank mirrors in front of me
I am a ghost looking for what's not missing

CAN YOU SEE ME NOW?
Tell me how!

I will walk blindly to follow you
But following you is missing myself
Further down the spiral there's a price for me
Thought it was you...
Instead it is me... all alone...
Breathless.. .
White...
Static....
ABSUM!