Blooming outside

One feet on the edge

confused and empty

Searching light in all

Numbed by words!

Back on my place

Here I do belong

Kingdom of solace

Me and my own...

Dead people don't feel no pain.

Don't envy them...

'Cause they envy us.

FTF 11

En estas andamos... El nuevo miembro de mis (malas) crianzas. FTF 11!

1. Norma Jean - Deathbed Atheist: "Bury your hands in the sand, you will never use them on me again!" Me ayuda a enfocarme en el objetivo!

2. Underøath - In Division: Es el sofocamiento de esta canción lo que me llama la atención, un sentido de ahogo! "I really wish I could reset/rewind"

3. Slipknot - Snuff: "If you love me let me go / if you still care don't ever let me know"... Impressive! The whole lyric shakes my core

4. Marilyn Manson - Four Rusted Horses: "Everyone will come to my funeral to make sure that I stay dead"...

5. Nine Inch Nails - The Perfect Drug: (not so) New found addiction!

6. Love Amongst Ruins - Heaven & Hell: Just to let your mind swim on this one...

7. Deftones - Beauty School: If one person can't get the idea out of this, I'm pretty sure there will come someone else to call it its own.

8. Sal y Mileto - Kubrete La Nose: Esta canción fue un llamado de atención, se convirtió en mantra y hoy vuelve a la vida...

9. Stabbing Westward - Desperate Now:"...but it feels like something is missing, it feels like something inside has died..." Haven't I said that?

10. System Of A Down - Lonely Day: Father's day...

11. Vex Red - Untitled: "This time I mean it!"

12. Limp Bizkit - Walking Away: Well, we do sometimes need to walk away from things we care to have a better look at self!

13. Seether - Truth: Si te diera la verdad, te ayudaría a vivir? "I'm beaten down again!"

14. Skizoo - Grita El Corazón: La radiografía de una tormenta interna... "Abrazar el instante!"

15. Sevendust - This Life: Mi hermoso Matías, esta canción es tuya!

16. Nelly Furtado - Try: Esta canción me derrumbó hasta mis cimientos. "Then I see you standing there wanting more from me, and all I can do is try!"

17. Adele - Someone Like You: Imported from the old continent. Straight through me!! It's so cruel how a song can touch you, make you fly and then crash you down to rock bottom... This is one of those songs...

Para agregar a tu biblioteca... (12 is coming soon...)

Not Again (by Staind)

You feel like you're falling

You've taken the step

In front of you

Is further the truth

And you fall apart

In front of me again

Again

Denial isn't the way to forgiveness

You alway swore that I was wrong

Not again

No taste for the crow you feed me

Not again

It's not a matter if I care

Not again

What an intricate web your weaving

Again and again!

You try not to fall

As the clock fails to sleep

So here we are

Back where we began

Toe to toe I stand in front of you again

Again

Again

Denial isn't the way to forgiveness

You alway swore that I was wrong

Not again

No taste for the crow you feed me

Not again

It's not a matter if I care

Not again

What an intricate web your weaving

Again and again!

Not again

No taste for the crow you feed me

Not again

It's not a matter if I care

Not again

What an intricate web your weaving

Again!

Again!

FTF 10 (atrasado!!!!)

Con casi dos años de atraso (por mi ausencia virtual del blog) y solo con la mera intención de publicar el más reciente compilatorio, les presento FTF 10:

1. Anathema - A Natural Disaster: "No Matter what I say, no matter what I do, I can't change what happened".

2. Böa - Duvet: El soundtrack de Lain, animé japonés sobre la diferencia entre la realidad vivencial y la virtual (it happens...).

3. Porcupine Tree - Time Flies: De repente abrí los ojos y los años habían pasado...

4. Killer And The Star - End Of Summer: "Maybe it's my fault, maybe I'm to blame. Could this be the end of summer?" And yes, I am to blame for everything in the end...

5. Sinch - Cutting All Ties: "I don't know why I even try when my sheltered heart lives a lie". Recuerdo haberla descubierto caminando por Cuenca, pensando en alguien en la capital.

6. Depeche Mode - Rush: I still wish someday we can get a version of this song! "Went looking behind every door for you, and because of the things that I saw for you I spiritually grew"

7. Soda Stereo - Ella Usó Mi Cabeza Como Un Revolver: Pa que mayor explicación! Cuando sonó por primera vez fue impresionante, descubriendo un nuevo mundo.

8. Per Gessle - Hey, I Died And Went To Heaven: I do hear this... And remember the feather

9. Placebo - Ashtray Heart: Corazón de cenicero! Un corazón que duele es un corazón que funciona...

10. Habana Blues - Arenas de Soledad: ¿Cuánto aguanta un corazón sin el latido de creer? Gracias ColdBlue!

11. Alien Ant Farm - Never Meant: "Never meant to do you wrong... to cause you harm"

12. Marilyn Manson - Running To The Edge Of The World: "Sometimes hate is not enought to turn this all to ashes"

13. Of The I - Between Being And Ego: Just about the feeling of the song, from the stream to the rain.

14. Pain Of Salvation - Undertow:"Let me go... let me fly... let my run... let me break... let me bleed... let me drain! LET ME DIE! let me out...!

15. Seether - Careless Whisper: ...guilty feet have got no rythm...

16. Papa Roach - I Almost Told You That I Love You: Just anger on this! (Lost times behind)

17. Slipknot - Dead Memories: "Traded my emotions for a cotract to commit"

18. In Flames - Disconnected: "I feel like s*** but at least I feel something!"

Take it right here

P.D.: Favor contextualizar al tiempo en que fue desarrollado, sept. 2009

Heaven & Hell (by Love Amongst Ruin)

Watch the sun

Disappear

My shadow fades

Night in day

My mind is crazed

Feel the pain

Like the rain

I'm coming down

Crash and burn

Wait my turn

To hit the ground

Some things are made just for heaven

Some things you can count on for hell

Gone astray

Far away

I'm lost inside

Nothing slows

As time goes by

Come away

On this day

You've survived

Away from this

And your kind

From this I decline

Some things are made just for heaven

Some things you can count on for hell

The Perfect Drug (by Nine Inch Nails)

I got my head but my head is unraveling

Can't keep control can't keep track of where it's traveling

I got my heart but my heart's no good

You're the only one that's understood

I come along but I don't know where you're taking me

I shouldn't go but you're wrenching, dragging, shaking me

Turn off the sun pull the stars from the sky

The more I give to you the more I die

And I want you...

You are the perfect drug

The perfect drug

The perfect drug

You make me hard when i'm all soft inside

I see the truth when i'm all stupid-eyed

The arrow goes straight through my heart

--Without you everything just falls apart--

My blood just wants to say hello to you

My fear is warm to get inside of you

My soul is so afraid to realize

How very little bit is left of me

And I Want you

You are the perfect drug

The perfect drug

The perfect drug

Take me with you

Without you everything just falls apart

It's not as much fun to pick up the pieces

To cut/violence

Made my mind and realized I need to CUT some things off my life. Physical and emotional cut. I need to reset myself to a moment far ago and start to gain trust again.

Acting to awake my creativity -and violence-, getting back on track! Always meant to walk away the things that hurt to realize that those were the ones that made my routine stand out.

Fire and thunders in my mind, that's what I need... And bit by bit my fingers pour the things they were used to. Independent letters raining from me.

A yell of pleasure killing my throat, a defying look walking down the crowded streets and acting a fool for a laugh or two. I contradict myself and that's my richness. Songs that bounce in my soul moving, loud and dense, are the self-prescribed medicine for me by now.

Fire-light

I'll always light up a candle on my table to make sure my mind is set!

This charade of a smile won't work for long, inside there's a crack from head to toe. Unconditional I asked and that's not what is offered in this home. And my flaws are greater than my own taste. I have to remember the goal so I don't drown in so many lost causes. "I swallow words like a placebo".

The sounds I refused to hear are coming back to my mind. I think the process has begun and there is no way to stop it. My own frown became the mask I use, and it won't combine with the smile I pretend. Time to break it all and be born again... in freedom... in happiness...

I've got my candle in front of me while out there fireworks contradict the sky!

No witness

All these suicidal tears drop themselves off my face to the infinity. They know it's their fate, their destiny. And I envy them for so many reasons... At least they got me to be a part of their decision to be their road to salvation.

But in the other side of the looking glass, I am seated in this bed, dark and cold, alone, with no one to stare at my own tantrum. I decide to stay quiet, swallowing frustration, letting my own tears be happy with their choice of self immolation. I got no witness of this act of commiseration. And it's OK 'cause it's my choice. I rather hit myself in the head time and time again to find light out from my skull without eyes to judge me.

However, out there, there must be someone/something anguished to be here... Me, I'm just waiting for the crash --- the moment of impact.

I can hear my happy tears yell - goodbye, cruel world!

The process

1. HEAL

2. CLOSE

3. LEAVE

...

...

...

9. HAPPINNESS

Grope

How to greet this again? The need of finding the right word, the epiphany and change it all. The therapy I need, my own personal psychologist. The return of Saturn on its fullness. Here I am, asking what, when, where and how!

I collected all these little bugs in jars below my pillow, just pummeling one over another. Finally the tower went out of control and it was meant to fall apart. It is... And the next stage is reordering it all.

I can find myself, I do, find what I loved and lost! I can... I will... Another great cycle of the spiral. Here we go...