MISUNDERSTAND-ABLE

Am I that complicated? Am I such a hard thing to get? Do I ask too much from life? Why can't I relate? And all the million different concepts people have about me, does that affect me? Am I showing who I really am? I like to keep a lot of my own self private and reserved... But, besides that, seems I am a dual person. I am not making the world any better, not even worse. I don't seem to make a difference in the planet. I don't know... Something keeps me here... Needing something I know I miss, but at the same time so harsh to ban myself. I don't allow myself to give what I don't receive. Life taught me not to give too much, it hurts. Too many times I have fallen in the same abyss and seems always find pleasure while falling. Yes I did build a wall around me so mothing can touch me, and yes it seems safer inside this fortress. No blame and no fault, but no joy either and no warmness. And the best escape from this deadly dilemma is to drift away in the sounds of an eternal song... My life seems to be my tablature and I keep putting notes to everyday's moment... But know I am out of rythm, over the scale, out of the pentagram, fallen below the lowest C, echoing in the dark at the end of the verse, soloing dissonantly. But seems more like me. Who am I or who do you all want me to be? I am both, the finest cul-de-sac. I wait steady and silent... It will come, someday, the sooner the better, but it will arrive. Another seismic second to build a new control tower and see from above the microscopic problems. Rising overly... It'll have sense and feel again. A new power injected through my veins down to the core. Until the perfectible state is achieved I'll still be the same the 0/1 character. The needed and spoiled isolated human. A cell... Happy but not joyful... Lone and lonely... Watching it all row away... Safe though uncomplete... And you don't know how much I want to scream what's wrong and won't ever do it, it's predictable. Holding on to life just because... It hurts but I can handle it... You wouldn't even know... Don't try to see through me, you'll get tired on the process, it's somewhere unreachable and pleasant. Me, here... Without it, not knowing when it must come, but it will, it's unevitable... Me, here, the misunderstandable.