I know life is pretty reckless. I need a big rush across my chest to let me get through. All I thought was right for me is clouded by many contradictions and the loss of meaning of so many words is unbearable. Serving and deserving are tangled and dilluted as my pride and recognition.
What is that I really have to get back? So determined in stupid things and ambiguous onthe important. The will of belonging blurred by self distrust. Loath me deeply so I understand.
What is that hidden reason to be attached? Fear? Convenience? Routine? Mere pity? Be straight ad get beyond the words. I will ask for more tha that now. And let me know if I still don't deserve your self-depreciating act of sweet kindness.
Raised by these conflicting tides for way too long to wake and get back now. Am I asking for something beyond my merits? What the hell am I supposed to expect from this? Conditioned, subyugated, biased, subdued.
And a sick big world opens up ahead of me, yet I choose the rightful waste of time and space of being held back and polite. Sick of it. Wish I'd be that person breaking laws and enjoying what you're eyes can't truly digest. Why am I carrying this fault of a scarred past? What's wrong with me? I won't ever fit in your life. Will I?
Tired of being pathetic. Go ahead, show me what's my place. (If I even have one) Let me know what's the bright side of deserving.
It's your turn now.
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